Sunday, April 16, 2006
Here's to Better Days
Me, in Aruba, with everything I need. A cold beer, a pack of Marlboros. a good book and, if you look closely, you can see Brenda reflected in my glasses. So far no progress. I saw her on Easter (today) to give back some more of her stuff. She held me for a while and I stroked her hair and looked into those beautiful blue eyes while she talked. She's not perfect by any means but for some reason looking at her gives me the profoundest feeling of comfort and happiness. But she's going through with her self improvement plan and that means I'll probably be on the rocks for the next 5 weeks until I figure out that she's really not coming back. Then I'll be sunk. Or she'll come back and all will be right with the world until the next time she hangs me out to dry.
Q: Why would you want to be with someone who feels they can break up with you out of the clear blue sky at a moment's notice for no fucking reason at all? Discuss.
I'm vacilating between "I love you so much please come back" and "Die in a fire bitch."
I got in a clever one liner though if I do say so myself. As she came out to leave she said "Do you have everything?" and I said "Everything but you." I wanted to strangle every person who said "Happy Easter" to me today including her. *sigh* DIAFB
so sorry andy. to get blindsided like that is really the pits. try to keep busy, sometimes that helps.
hang in there.
Life is made up of cycles Andy. We women seem to go through them more profoundly. 'I need to change for me' sometimes means just that. She may return to you stronger and better for her changing.
I would hope you can hold her through the changes, it is never easy. But your support and love will help her and when all is said and done you will know that you did the right thing.
Of course that doesn't mean waiting forever either...
You must find your own joy also.
you say that like it is a bad thing....
vacilating between i love you so much and die in a fire.
[sorry, old site shows still when i log on]
This, in time, shall pass...
The fact that you aren't thinking DIAFB 100% of the time shows that you care for her...but you didn't need me to point that out to you...
Nothing that we out here in blogger land can say can lessen the pain, but I thank you for sharing such a pure emotion with us...it displays your human-ness.
Be strong, everything happens for a reason.
"I love you so much please come back" and "Die in a fire bitch."
I understand too perfectly....
keep your chin up ;)
I love this pic btw...
you will be ok without the reflection if it comes to that, you've got a lot to offer and if she misses out on that, well, you know the line...
Fuck Easter when you heart hurts dammit.
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