Friday, December 16, 2005


This picture of depresses me because it was taken by an old friend that I really miss but can't talk to anymore. There are some things you can't take back and you can never really go home again. Once a bell is rung you can't unring it. I can't wait until this holiday season is behind us. I shouldn't bitch. Life is going well and I'm very happy all in all. I just want to have my cake and eat it too. It has been said before that my problem is I really want to make everybody happy and sometimes that's just not possible. I hate to hurt people. Sometimes it seems I just can't help it. My inability to please everyone makes me hate myself sometimes. That's kind of weird, isn't it?


gigi said...

No it's not weird, I thinks it's more common than peole care to admit.

Hey Andy, Mystic CT right?

Laurie said...

I have a former friend like that.. and no, sometimes you can't go back. Learn from the experience and move forward, is all you can do. And it is impossible to make everyone happy, or please everyone. There are those who aren't happy no matter what we do for them, and they are soul vampires. Not worth it.

(((hug))) chin up, babe :-)

AndyT13 said...

Yes G that's the Mystic Seaport.

Laurie, I know about The Soul Vampires but this isn't one of those cases. Once love and trust and mutual respect were lost the relationship was doomed. I know it was mostly my fault that these things happened. I left a swath of emotional destruction in my wake.
I am Andy's overwhelming sense of guilt and regret.

I'm torn between wanting to share these feelings with Brenda and not wanting her to feel insecure that I miss someone from my past.

A good friend describes me as the most self tormented person he knows. That is sadly true.

ZooooM said...

Selfish can be good. Sometimes being selfish to yourself leads to a better you, which can then turn around and make certain people happy. And those are usually the people you should try to make happy.

But it's a fine line. And nobody really knows if their on the right path or not, sometimes until they are halfway or more down there.

or something.

blair said...

Hi Andy! I know exactly how you feel. I have had my share of friends who I was very close with for a long time and then POOF one day it all went awrong! Life is truely a series of lessons and certain people enter our lives for a reason. I know it can be so painful. I can empathize with you there. I also have that problem of trying to please everyone. The best thing I learned is how to say no. Or even, I'll get back to you on that.

btw, good job on finishing your nanowrimo! I am a total slacker!

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Bougie Black Boy said...

such a large phallic symbol.

Theresa said...

I adore you just as you are ... keep some of the imperfections. Re-name them "character traits". Work on the stuff that bugs the shit out of you, not the stuff that you think bothers other people. The only person you're really responsible for in this life is YOU.
Oh, and if you didn't hear me the first time, you're adorable just the way you are.