Monday, March 19, 2007

Dependency




"Dependency" by Valery Milovic @ http://www.fluxfire.com/ I absolutely love her work. It speaks volumes about how I feel. Go check it out. I've been noticing more and more the gap between what I think and how I feel. I THINK that my life is great and I'm better off than I've ever been. I'm healthier, safer, more financially secure, more in control of myself and my life. Unfortunately I FEEL terrible. I mistakenly gave my heart, my life and my love to a very poor custodian thereof. I got them back when she no longer wanted them, but now they're all broken. I don't know how to fix them. I'm sad and I'm scared that everyone is going to get tired of my whining and leave me even more alone than I already feel. NEW TOPIC: Someone I love very much is also very sad; so sad they carved their arm up bad enough to have to go to the doctor. They made me promise not to tell anyone so I'm not naming any names but I have a message for them. That message is I LOVE YOU. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. I don't want you to die. OK? Please? Call me instead. Thanks. 155/21

7 comments:

DaMasta said...

I"m sorry about your broken heart hun. It's a bitch to get over. My last one took a year and half. It's pretty bad when you have to start getting over them when you're still with them. And the one before that took 4 years. Sometimes it takes a while. Be sure to learn what makes you happy in the meantime. Mwuah! :)

lime said...

you know, even though it's a 'new topic' i think the friend you mention and your care for that person...i think that sort of thing can be a help in how you feel as well. this is not an admonishment or me saying, 'hey i am tired of your whining.' nope not at all, it's a gentle exhortation....get out of your own head for a while and put a smile on the face of someone who needs it, warm a heart, give a bit of encouragement. give it a try, a little each day. you've cut out some bad habits in life, things that controled you, you've created a vacuum. replace those behaviors with better ones, fill up the vacuum with something worthwhile.

i hope that doesn't sound trite or overly simplistic. i don't mean it that way. i know it ain't easy for you. just some thoughts i hope are maybe helpful in some way.

Anonymous said...

I will.

MG said...

great advice by lime....

you said "everyone" so I"m taking liberty to include myself here...

I'm not going anywhere.
whine all you want....
that's what real friends are for.

jillie said...

I believe and agree with lime...she put it all in a nutshell.

You've accomplished a lot and have a lot to be proud of and thankful for. I hope your friend is ok...

tkkerouac said...

broken hearts are the worst
I always want to do something that involves a quick fix instead of going through the whole damn grieving process.

tkkerouac said...

How can you get into that website posted, love that photo!!!!!!!!!!!