Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Meanwhile I got nothing


3:39 Wednesday AM - I want to write another novel; a better one, one I can get literary agents to actually fucking READ. Maybe I should have pitched publishing houses directly? My first one Dangerous Dreams had a couple of major first novel cliches but even so I think the writing is pretty good. Download the fucking thing and email me to tell me you love it or I suck or whatever. Maybe a good edit and another round of pitch letters is in order. Any editors up to the challenge? This newfound desire to write more is a result of reading Killing Yourself To Live by Chuck Klosterman. It's a good book and I recommend it. First person fiction is kind of dull in certain contexts but I like this guy. I want to look him up, call him and invite him out for a beer. This is because I want to associate with people who are younger, smarter and more talented than me. He'll probably ignore me. People who achieve a certain measure of success are always weirded out by people who experience their creativity and then want to associate with them. Being a Q-list celebrity I can relate to a certain extent. People I don't know find me and complement my creative efforts and want to hang out. I love this and do it eagerly but I wonder what it's like being a D-list celeberity. At what point do I start saying "Thanks but I'm busy tonight." or worse ignore their emails entirely? Stars are never as bright up close as they seem from far away. I made some changes to my website in hopes of driving sales. Please click and give me advice on how to do this better. I want to paint more and release this fucking CD that seems like crappy demos to me but everyone seems to like. Re-do the whole thing or go with the raw? That is the question. Also struggling with HNT. Anyone else feeling this way? Anyone there? Bueller?

11 comments:

gnightgirl said...

I'm listless too. Empty nesting, nothing pending, no more excuses: Time to paint.

Felix said...

fat, ugly, old undesireable: judging from your tales and the pix here, you're none of those things. However it's an inside job to change your self-perception.

Green Eyes said...

For someone that's "got nothing," there was a lot there!

See what happens when you just start typing?

I don't think there's a reason for you to be self-loathing, but I understand.

Bella said...

Awww, c'mon handsome, we all know that is not true; you HAVE sex appeal, babe.

The album reminds me of Chili Peppers...one of my favorite bands.

lime said...

well no beautiful women want to have sex with me and i feel fat old ugly and undesirable. so hey, yer one up on me.

do whatcha gotta do to clean things up to your satisfaction before putting them out there

you're a talented fellow. don't sell yourself short

ZooooM said...

I agree with Lime. Don't try to make it what you think people want. Just do what makes you happy/proud of the results and go with that.

You'll work your way through it. At least I believe you will.

HNB said...

"Why do I feel so fat, ugly, old and undesirable?"

Because it's illegal to beat the shit out of someone else when things go opposite of what we want so we beat the shit out of ourselves.
Yep, been there done that and will most likely do it again.

yep, it's me.... said...

well yeah - but some of us actually ARE fat ugly old and undesireable.
maybe you need a good kick in the pants...

Miss Understood said...

Yep, I feel like that too. Not always, but sometimes. And I tried to download, and the url wasn't found :(

loz said...

I feel like that sometimes - fat, ugly, old & undesirable. I think if one has a low(ish) self-esteem in general (like I tend to), those feelings are more likely to crop up when other things aren't quite right, even if there's proof happening that one *isn't* old, fat, ugly or undesirable.

anyway, I've just downloaded your doc & am going to read it when possible - thanks for sharing it! I'll let you know what I think after I've been able to read it :). meantime, DON'T give up! I'm sure, so long as you've put your best effort into the book, it just takes time & the right connections as long as you keep believing in yourself. good luck with it. x

Oº°‘¨t®ãg‘°ºO said...

I do a bit of webdesign,..would you like me to maybe come up with a template idea for the page? When I've got time - I'll see what I can come up with & pass it by you :) If its ok & you don't mind and all. Raw is ok - there is nothing at all wrong with raw! But you're snazzy - you deserve something eyegrabbing!