Monday, January 02, 2006

A New Leaf




Black trees of pain. I've been posting way too much about lost love and giving way too much detail. For a while I'm going to say what I have to say with art and music. With God everything is possible. If the pain leads me back to God it has served God and I'm grateful for it. I'm becoming a regular God Junky. I'll take it.

8 comments:

Laurie said...

Andy, you couldn't have been abusive even if you wanted to - I just don't think it is your nature. And that is a good thing, obviously.

If you are finding solace in the church right now, so what? If that is what you need and it makes you feel better, then go. Don't think about the whys or why nots or all the philosophical crap.. just go.

And, you're right about not starting another relationship. That would be a very bad idea right now, for a lot of reasons.

Hang in there, friend.. you're not losing your mind, it just feels like it. Everything you are feeling and thinking right now is normal. You've suffered a loss and you are grieving.

((((hug)))) Laurie

Bougie Black Boy said...

AndyT....
I don't know where to begin. . . I'm concerned and completely, sincerely sorry for what you're gonig through. You're more than welcome to break away and come to the city for a while and hang. I'll get your mind off of things.

gigi said...

Laurie is right Andy! Find solace someplace that will not damage you!
AND NO REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS!

gigi said...

Laurie is right Andy! Find solace someplace that will not damage you!
AND NO REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS!

ZooooM said...

It's so hard to watch you go through this. My heart sinks for you.

I echo all of those who say "so what if you find comfort in the church". To me, religion is supposed to provide comfort. It doesn't matter how you got there, just that you are satisfied at the moment. Relatively speaking, of course.

It's got to be damn hard when there are open questions lingering around. Any time that I had a guy disappear on me I would just wish and wish and wish he'd tell me what the hell switch was hit that made him run. I just wanted to know what it was.

And it wasn't that I thought "so I can keep from doing it again". It was just so I could understand. I don't have a problem with someone saying they can't handle a relationship with me, I just want to know why. What is it that didn't work.

If it is something I can change and WANT to change, then so be it. And not for the purposes of having that person come back. Because to me, if you leave me once - it's over. I don't expect the rest of the world to be like that. If not, well at least I have the answer and can move on.

I can remember 4 instances where a guy would be all up in my space - stay there for a wile and then disappear. Those were the hardest relationships to move past.

gnightgirl said...

Andy,

Know I'm still tuning in, merely at a lost for words to make it all better. Ah, for a magic wand...

AndyT13 said...

You are all very kind. Words cannot express how much I appreciate your love and support. Y'all are some kick ass bloggy peeps! Bloggy peeps rule! For the record, the next relationship I get in is by definition a rebound, even if it's with the one I love. Whatever. I am not a man who gives up easily and I feel my newfound faith will deliver me. I'm truly deluded but it is a functional delusion. I'll take it. Love ya!

theresa said...

Andy, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Brenda. I've been pretty scarce the last few weeks and haven't checked in as often as usual. Please know that I'm thinking of you now and sending you strength to help you get through this. You most definitely do have lots of love and support here.