Sunday, November 26, 2006

I can't fucking believe this shit

First of all, fuck Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve and everything to do with them. I just had to get that off my chest.

New topic. I went tonight to the bar we're supposed to play next Saturday to see what we were up against. At midnight the lights were off but the door was open so I went in. Surreal is not the word. An empty Italian restaurant in the middle of the warehouse district in the Bronx. I get in the back and there's 4 black hookers, clearly high and giving me a bad look like 'What are YOU doing here?" I greet the aging female bar tender who pointedly ignores me. There are two apparently drunk and coked out couples who also ignore me at least one of whom appears to be the owner. There are no posters or anything else to indicate that we or anyone else are going to play there EVER. At any rate after five minutes of incredibly bad vibe I got the fuck out of there. Bad news and incredibly bizzarre. OK, so I stop on my way home at Pete's saloon to find a fat ugly chick singing so dull disco shit from the 70's badly with a guitarist, bassist and a drum machine. There's maybe 20 people in the joint, clearly their friends. I left after half a song. Jesus! Who books this garbage? I go to the Striped Bass in Tarrytown to see what's up. An incredibly lame trio is playing CCR and Steve Miller at top volume in the style of Metallica (no, I'm not kidding). Maybe there's 15 people in the joint including the incredibly obnoxious female singer from the first band I ever joined in NY. Thankfuly she failed to recognize me but I took this as an incredibly bad omen. True to form I start talking to this other chick who looks about 50 who claims she's dating the drummer (who looks about 20) even though she lives in Florida. She books the band. She can't wait for their show there the 30th. Wait I say MY band is supposed to play here the 30th. Come to think of it, the last time I was scheduled to play this shithole they double booked me THEN TOO! That was YEARS ago. So now I need to call the booking agent who I had to chase for months just to get THIS fucking gig. I stopped by the bar we've been playing at and there are 5 drunks at the bar, no band and nothing going on. I go to the bar around the corner from me and there's a DJ and some long haired latino guy playing along to records on a set of congas. The place is packed with fat white chicks and skinny Latino boys who are all dressed like ghetto guys. Timberlands, North Face, do rags and backwards baseball caps. What? The? Fuck? Oh yeah and the place I'm booked for Dec 15th and New Year's Eve cancelled out last gig on two nights' notice. Remind me again why I'm in this fucking business? What on Earth could I possibly be getting out of this but a headache? Also, it crossed my mind that it's pretty unethical of me (who's not drinking) to try and get all my friends to rick life and limb to see me play in a place where the only other thing to do is get drunk on expensive liquor. The message here? Quit the music business especially in New York. Clearly no one knows what the fuck good music is and wouldn't if it bit them in the ass. Second, if I can't quit it's time to start renting halls and having shows where we actually make some money and my friends don't all get DWIs for the privledge of hearing me play and paying some asshole club owner top dollar for watered down drinks and cheap shitty beer. At 2 AM on a Saturday night I['m along, sober and completely discouraged in every possible way about every single aspect of my life. Yes, yes, be grateful yadda yadda yadda. Sure. Thanks A Lot. Really.

4 comments:

AlRo said...

I consider myself lucky. Here in Ottawa - you find 5 or 6 bars that you like - and pimp yourself until they hire ya... and then you play that circuit for a few months. Before you know it - people chase you down for gigs and you don't have to do any leg work - accept bringing posters to the bars.

The Ottawa market is very charged for music ... classic rock, country and blues... we have 3 dedicated blues bars - where the bands are just awesome ... we get guys like Colin Linden, Colin James, Groovehogs (outta Green Bay), .. I've seen Thorgoode's played at these places, Les Emerson (5 man electrical band) too - so if you're a blues guy - there are at least 4 or 5 places - some very classy - for you to play...

I've played at some down-right sleezy places - where I felt i needed a shower after stepping foot in the place. A Place called the Boar's Nest - believe it or not - with the full Dukes of Hazzard theme going - was one of the sleeziest places i've ever played... the chicks still had mullets and they smelt bad.

Oddly enough - the worst gig i ever played was in a place called Pembroke. We were playing for the benefit of the floors and walls - cuz the 3 people in the joint weren't listening.. until later on - when two chicks showed up and actually laughed at our on stage antic (we had to do something to make it fun) ... one of those two chicks is now my wife... ironic eh? Worst gig ever - i meet my future wife...

Anyhow-- all that to say - I know how ya feel! Double-bookings suck ass too! I hate dealing with agents...

Anonymous said...

I love you baby...here, maybe this will make you smile...because your opening sentence has me posting this on my "OG" website for the rest of the season.

Texas loved ya! here: http://melanaise.blogspot.com

there is something that will make you fucking laugh and it is just for ya, k? I put it up yesterday, because at that moment, it was just for me.

;-)

-stealth

Starfairie said...

Hmmmm. That all sounds discouraging. Here's the thing, though. In order for bad musicians to stop being the norm, good musicians have to keep getting their stuff out there so people become aware that what they are listening to is bad. Just as in the fine art world, so many people have no clue what good music is. They've been bombarded with bubblegum and bathwater for so long they don't know what truly good music is. Sorry about the crackhouse bar. It's a good thing ya'll didn't show up for the gig; you might've gotten jumped or worse!!!

zoely said...

well. uhm, good luck?
there are going to be shitty days, shitty nights, shitty events, sober or drunk?
I got nothing. But I am visiting & thinking of you.